My first serious girlfriend of two years left me for a guy who a big penis. She bragged about its size to all her friends. When he dumped her we got back together I couldn't really feel her when we had sex and she kept saying how she hoped my penis would grow bigger. I really wanted to kill myself hearing that, I really blamed myself and hated myself deeply for not being good enough for her. I eventually left the relationship when I found out she had cheated on me with him.
I know my penis is pretty small it is 5.75 inches BP and 4.5 inches in girth but I didn't realize it was an issue until then. Around this time I began abusing adderall and alcohol out of self hatred. I almost killed myself once and almost overdosed on pills multiple times after this. I am deeply ashamed of my drug abuse but I was able to get clean by going to rehab. I started working out and got in amazing shape (big arms 8 pack) and went onto fix my life in many ways. I kind of repressed the memory about my penis size but was careful not to show its size too much even when having sex with girls. I didn't get in relationships so my penis size wasn't a huge deal in one night stands.
I am now dating a girl for 1 year I am very in love with her but she made a remark about how my penis is just the right size "not too big / not too small" which made me pretty sure she had been with guys with bigger penises. Two of her ex-boyfriends were black which makes me think that even more. She has has also dated at least 8 different guys so law of averages means she has probably been with bigger guys than me. She also made a comment recently about how "it looks bigger today" which makes me think she is hyper aware of my penis size.
I can almost feel all my repressed self-hatred boiling back to the surface and have lashed out on her in random fights a few times in the past week (which she does not deserve). One of the fights I brought up the "not too big" comment and she basically said: "I am sorry I did not mean to insult your manhood" which seemed to be a way not to just say: "Your penis is big enough" because she would have obviously said that if she felt that way. While I love her I can't help but feel like I will never be enough for her because my penis is not big enough. I would rather be alone than never live up to her sexual expectations.
Should I just ask her if she is used to bigger penises than me? I feel like its a stupid question because the obvious answer is yes. I know hearing it from her mouth will make it a million times worse but at least it won't be in my head. And ask if my penis is big enough for her? I just assume that open communication would be better than secretly trying to grow my penis just to be good enough.
I AM NOT ASKING FOR PITY. I am going to work hard like I do at everything in my life and try to grow my penis through PE. I know I shouldn't expect amazing results immediately and even "gains" are likely to only be 1 inch after 1-2 years if I'm lucky but at least its something. I'm not allowed to complain unless I am trying right? My goal is to grow to 7 inches in 3-4 years if possible. I wanted to post my story because I have never told it to anyone in my real life. I actually began crying while writing it as a cathartic release.
I will commit to doing 2 days 1 off for the next year. I have already done it for last week and plan on continuing. Thank you all for this amazing resource. Also of note, I briefly did PE in 2014 for about 2 months and got decent gains but could not continue. I stopped because I started taking stimulants like adderall and caffeine which would shrink my penis so I could not maintain my gains or even do stretching exercises.
I know my penis is pretty small it is 5.75 inches BP and 4.5 inches in girth but I didn't realize it was an issue until then. Around this time I began abusing adderall and alcohol out of self hatred. I almost killed myself once and almost overdosed on pills multiple times after this. I am deeply ashamed of my drug abuse but I was able to get clean by going to rehab. I started working out and got in amazing shape (big arms 8 pack) and went onto fix my life in many ways. I kind of repressed the memory about my penis size but was careful not to show its size too much even when having sex with girls. I didn't get in relationships so my penis size wasn't a huge deal in one night stands.
I am now dating a girl for 1 year I am very in love with her but she made a remark about how my penis is just the right size "not too big / not too small" which made me pretty sure she had been with guys with bigger penises. Two of her ex-boyfriends were black which makes me think that even more. She has has also dated at least 8 different guys so law of averages means she has probably been with bigger guys than me. She also made a comment recently about how "it looks bigger today" which makes me think she is hyper aware of my penis size.
I can almost feel all my repressed self-hatred boiling back to the surface and have lashed out on her in random fights a few times in the past week (which she does not deserve). One of the fights I brought up the "not too big" comment and she basically said: "I am sorry I did not mean to insult your manhood" which seemed to be a way not to just say: "Your penis is big enough" because she would have obviously said that if she felt that way. While I love her I can't help but feel like I will never be enough for her because my penis is not big enough. I would rather be alone than never live up to her sexual expectations.
Should I just ask her if she is used to bigger penises than me? I feel like its a stupid question because the obvious answer is yes. I know hearing it from her mouth will make it a million times worse but at least it won't be in my head. And ask if my penis is big enough for her? I just assume that open communication would be better than secretly trying to grow my penis just to be good enough.
I AM NOT ASKING FOR PITY. I am going to work hard like I do at everything in my life and try to grow my penis through PE. I know I shouldn't expect amazing results immediately and even "gains" are likely to only be 1 inch after 1-2 years if I'm lucky but at least its something. I'm not allowed to complain unless I am trying right? My goal is to grow to 7 inches in 3-4 years if possible. I wanted to post my story because I have never told it to anyone in my real life. I actually began crying while writing it as a cathartic release.
I will commit to doing 2 days 1 off for the next year. I have already done it for last week and plan on continuing. Thank you all for this amazing resource. Also of note, I briefly did PE in 2014 for about 2 months and got decent gains but could not continue. I stopped because I started taking stimulants like adderall and caffeine which would shrink my penis so I could not maintain my gains or even do stretching exercises.
Comment