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  • Shy girl

    Hey this is for females or males to answer. But i thought it might help to get a female point of view. I'm 19. So here's the problem.

    I met this girl about a month ago(she's 17 turning 18), she was a virgin when i met her and hadn't done anything sexually with another person or by herself. When i met her she was really shy around me. She told me that she was only shy around me and everyone else was fine(in other words she liked me). So that night we hooked up that night at her place but her family was very religious and made us leave the door open.. which i thought was pretty funny. But i always had to be the one to kiss her, and she would constantly be shy and close her eyes tight and turn her head awake, making it pretty difficult to kiss. I thought, okay cool she's just shy, she'll get use to me.

    The next few times we hung out we started having sex, we've probably had sex 20 times or more, but this didn't change the fact that she still today is very shy and hides her head in the pillow or turns away when i look at her for more than 3 seconds. I seem to be doing all the work, and i mean everything, every time, as she still hasn't touched me once, not even slightly, regardless of me dragging her hand down there. So i always have to be the one to make sure im hard enough to slide in, which usually means pulling my dick up and down on top of being turned on. So I have to initiate everything while she lays there, and she makes me make every decision for the position etc.

    When i'm with her she'll want to have sex with me whenever I want. But she will never say so she will just wait for me to make all the moves while she does little to nothing to contribute. Every time i ask her something such as "what does that feel like", "what do you want to do", "what's wrong", "do you want me to do this", "do you want me to keep going" etc she answers back with "I duno" EVERY SINGLE TIME. And won't say a single thing as she just lays there except "i duno".

    When i ask her if it feels good she does say "yeah". But that's all i get out of her... the rest is "i duno". I know it's because she's shy..

    Another thing when i'm rubbing her clit, she will respond well by gasping and moaning a bit, but if i keep rubbing it for more than 25 seconds or so she'll ALWAYS grab my hand and move it away. And then i ask "doesn't it feel good?" and she'll say "yeah", Me: "why did you move my hand away?" her: "i duno".

    Also i would just like to mention that people agree i'm a very easy person to open up to one on one, and I seem very trust worthy. But she just doesn't tell me anything. She will just lie to my face and say "i duno" to questions that clearly have an answer in her head that shes un willing to give me.

    P.S. Don't say get her drunk and ask her, that's not a long term solution..

  • #2
    I reckon, you're asking the forum how to make her open up and lose inhibitions?

    Here's my opinion. She's still very young and inexperienced. The fact that her family is religious may mean that she has a lot of repressed feelings. Only time and experience will make her open up. Make her feel safe with you. Earn her trust. Don't make it all about sex. Let her enjoy being with you even without the sexual things. Treat her like a woman, not like a little girl. I hope you're not just using her for the sex though. Cause if you are, it may mess her up completely.
    __________________________________________________ ______________________________________________
    10/18/2010

    Starting Stats
    BPEL: 5"
    EG: 4 1/8"
    NBPEL: 4 1/2"
    BPFL: 2.75"

    Goal
    BPEL: 7"-ish
    EG: 5.5"
    FL: 4"

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    • #3
      Hmmm, i was more asking for advice on what i should do, i know i obviously have to make her feel comfortable earn her trust etc. I kind of took that as a given, but thanks you did remind me of the importance of it and how it should be a high priority.

      I'm not just using her for sex, since at the moment i would actually almost prefer to masturbate: /. Well not really. but you know what i mean. I enjoy her company, and love hanging out with her. At the moment i just consider her my friend, how far the relationship will go, i really am not sure. I have the feeling she wants me to make some kind of commitment, but if she's too shy to initiate it this is how it's going to stay. I kind of using this as a semi tool to help her express her feelings more instead of telling me absolutely nothing. She realizes that her family can't tell her what to do, as they are against letting her see me but she can on certain conditions, she says that her family religion and wishes don't apply to her when it comes to me.

      "Time and experience" see this is the thing, i thought the frequency of the times we've been hanging out and engaging in various activities including sex would help her open up, but i haven't seen the slightest bit of improvement. Maybe the process she has to go through is alot longer than i though, and i can't stand being boxed out, being the one that has to initiate and do everything. It seriously drives me insane and makes me want someone that isn't like that at all.

      She also told me she loved the other day, via messaging though.. She wouldn't say it in real life.

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      • #4
        I think she's just new to the whole sex scene. Who knows you could secretly have a wild one on your hands who's about to let loose all of a sudden.. Only time will tell. I wouldn't try and change her emotions that might not be a good idea, I know you've been doing all the work but try and spruce things up a little bit and see what happens. Maybe ask her about some fantasies??



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        • #5
          Some people are indoctrinated from birth, and this is almost impossible to shake. A child will believe anything and those beliefs almost always persist for their whole lives. Her parents and religious teachers have repressed her natural urges and brainwashed her into thinking premarital sex is evil, that sex is for reproduction only and not to be enjoyed. Some people recover from this in adulthood, others will never be able to shake the belief and will perpetuate it.

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          • #6
            Cliterture: A wild on on my hands: ), that made me smile, but i know the chances are slim but still now you have my hopes up haha. sorry that probably sounds immature. I won't to change her emotions, or at least not do it purposely. I've been trying to spuce things up trust me. But i actually haven't asked her about her fantasies as i haven't known her that long but that's actually a brilliant idea. I will try to make it as answerable as possible for her, avoiding an "iduno"

            Drew Carey: I'm really hoping that isn't the case, but I will try my best to work with it if it is. I need to get to know her more.

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            • #7
              Sounds like a young girl with no sexual experience. When she is comfortable with you she will open up.

              And Drew just because this girl doesn't give in to every lust she has doesn't make her any less sexual. I mean I have the natural urge to punch your face in after reading that but does that make it right?
              June 2010 Beginning bpel 5.75 mseg 4.75
              Current bpel 7 3/8 mseg 5.5 I don't even know if I want to gain anymore.
              New Short Term Goal 7.5x5.5
              Long Term 8x6
              :cool:

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              • #8
                Originally posted by BigPunn65 View Post
                Sounds like a young girl with no sexual experience. When she is comfortable with you she will open up.

                And Drew just because this girl doesn't give in to every lust she has doesn't make her any less sexual. I mean I have the natural urge to punch your face in after reading that but does that make it right?
                It doesn't make her any less sexual, it makes her repressed. She still has that sexuality but it has been caged by a restrictive religious upbringing, and that cage is hard to break.

                When you need to threaten me with violence it shows that your views on this hold no validity; that you have no logical reasons to believe what you do. You simply have an emotional attachment to those wrong views and you get angry that you cannot defend them, hence the resort to violence as an argument instead of logic.

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                • #9
                  Hey I think I married that girl. Well I would stick with her then because if she's anything like mine now boy are you going to have your hands full.
                  The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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                  • #10
                    HAHAHAHA!@ Cusp...

                    Yea, it's interesting. She's "shy" in sex so she won't be completely uninhibited with you. until you've known each other for a while...

                    The Religious aspect plays a huge role in what she's doing too. I dealt with a girl that was really religious she was really weird about sex and about how it works... didn't want to talk about it all...

                    Hell she had a hard time SAYING the word "Sex" Sadly that didn't work out.

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                    • #11
                      Well mine was very religious last night. She kept yelling Oh God oh God! Man it was some night. ( then I woke up)
                      The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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                      • #12
                        mi100098, YOU are going to be her best teacher-so if you need to brush up on some lessons- do it. She is taking hr cues from you. Don't rush her. I know this seems contrary to how you feel about her and how you want to be with her but I can tell you from experience-if she fels pressure to bed you and vice versa she will tense up. Alot of grooming, caring humor will make things great. She sounds like a winner-truly. Have patience you're both young and you will want to set any pattern that is created off to a good start. Good luck.
                        Consciousness and intention matter here.

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                        • #13
                          Bigpunn65 I've realized she has no sexual experience, I'm not having trouble coming to terms with that. I'm having trouble coming to terms with her learning curve and how to speed it up , this may sound impatient of me but i've only got one life and if her and i can't be fully satisfied for years while she gets more comfortable due to her boxing everything in, no one is going to be happy in the process.

                          somebodyelse: thanks, however i realize that religion is playing a huge part in it, I fully understand why she is she. I'm actually curious to ideas on how to help and encourage the opening up process.

                          sweetie52: Yeah i'm trying me best to keep the pressure at a minimum at all times, which is really hard: /. And we do spend alot of time together laughing together and talking, I guess some people just need longer to feel comfortable around a person than others.

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                          • #14
                            Is she submissive in non sexual situations.. like does she say dunno or i don't mind, i don't care when it comes to day to day things .. or is it just sexually that she is inhibited ?
                            ~ If.....
                            ~ TTBB big-ginners program for JPopping boobies
                            ~ Lust and Love


                            “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”




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                            • #15
                              Enjoy the pleasure from her body with no shame or embarrassment. Don’t apologize for your sexual desires it will just reinforce any shame or stigma she has… Be receptive to her, no judgements in your mind or on your tongue. Engage sexually with her with confidence. if you are confident in what you are doing she will be and she will become more confident in what she is doing.
                              Learn to read her individual response to things…the subtle responses.. More then likely she tells you to stop with the clit simulation because if feels good and she is afraid of the response it is generating..She sounds self conscious of how she looks which is why she buries her head in the pillow or looks away.. tell her how sexy you think she is when she is in those moments.. Tell her , her sexual expressions turn you on.

                              If you have your own sexual anxieties or penis anxieties leave them at the door, and deal with them .. Any anxiety you express about your sexual appeal or ability will translate into her mind about her own concerns of not being good enough. If you are hard on yourself then she will think you are also going to be hard on her.
                              Never be have needy.. …her opening up sexually should not be related to your need to feel good about yourself sexually..That is a pressure cooker and not fair on the other person. So leave the sexual ego at the door.

                              These things will help build her trust in you and the sexual situation she finds herself in…she has to trust that you will not be critical of her sexual desires ..part of being a good girl is being well good at things pleasing people…so fear of failure and letting you down or putting you off plays in her mind..
                              If you can be comfortable in your sexuality it will open the door for her being comfortable with her own… being secure doesn’t mean overbearing with the sex stuff. Its about being confident and nurturing .. guiding through action and behavior.
                              ~ If.....
                              ~ TTBB big-ginners program for JPopping boobies
                              ~ Lust and Love


                              “It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”




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