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  • Orgasm difficulties

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly a year now, and we have been having sex for about 5 months. We have sex on a regular basis, 4-5 times a week and for me the sex great, she enjoys it too but she has never orgasmed.

    I have tried pretty much everything I can think of using a combination of my tongue, fingers, penis, different positions, different rhythms, different thrusting techniques, different oral techniques, clitoral and G-spot stimulation but to no avail...

    She enjoys it sure, there is moaning, squirming etc. but no orgasm, The sex seems to be good for her but not great.

    The fact that she hasn't orgasmed ONCE isn't making me feel great about myself, we were both virgins so neither of us have much experience, making me think that it is a failure on my behalf...

    However, after some googling it seems that women, unlike men, have to learn how to orgasm, so could her age have anything to do with it? I am 20 and she is 18 in about a month.

    So the questions that I would like to pose are: Does anyone have any suggestions on technique etc.?

    And for the female posters, does age play a part? could you orgasm when you were 17/18? Do you have any suggestions?

    Thanks
    My progress log

  • #2
    This may sound a bit weird..... but I would recommend that she try masturbation. Orgasms really do take practice, and the feedback loop is really much shorter and simpler if she is completely in charge of the stimulation. I discovered masturbation when I was a young teenager, and rapidly learned to give myself orgasms with my fingers on my clit. When I began having sex with a partner, I knew the sensations I was looking for and was able to help guide my partner to provide them.

    If you can raise the subject with your girlfriend, I suggest that you encourage her to try masturbation. On her own at first might be best, so there is no pressure. (Girls are just as subject to performance anxiety as guys, even though the results may be less outwardly obvious).

    I also suggest that she start with a focus on her clitoris. For most women, that is the key to orgasming. Penetration and G-spot stimulation can be fabulous, but most of us need clit stimulation most of the time if we are to cum.

    I hope this helps!

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    • #3
      Maybe I'll go get some more coffee. Yea that's what I'll do.
      The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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      • #4
        Thanks Batwoman, not odd at all, I casually asked her about masturbation once to try and find out if she knew her own body and if she knew what she likes, and she basically said that she does it rarely and she seemed quite uptight while talking about it

        That isn't surprising though, she is very shy, and is a typical "good girl" who works hard, has good grades, and is a bit timid etc. she probably thinks that masturbation is dirty or something that shouldn't be done

        In regards to performance anxiety, that is one of the reasons that I don't want to openly ask her about orgasms, I feel that it might put pressure on her

        Do you think that I should ask her about it?

        I recently "orchestrated" a blowjob to show her what I liked and then decided all the positions during the subsequent sex, I am going to suggest that she orchestrate everything the next time so that she can show me what she likes. good idea?
        My progress log

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        • #5
          There are a lot of things that could cause this. Too, much metal pressure, not enough experience with her own body, or issues with her own sexuality, could all be factors. David Shade has a lot of good stuff about this, maybe if you both read it together. Also, some "alone" time masturbating might help her.
          How did I get here?

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          And I've been here ever since.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Padawan787 View Post

            I recently "orchestrated" a blowjob to show her what I liked and then decided all the positions during the subsequent sex, I am going to suggest that she orchestrate everything the next time so that she can show me what she likes. good idea?
            I think it makes a lot of sense, but you always have to respect Batwoman's advice.

            My wife often has orgasm problems. When this happens, we turn to oral to save the day. I usually perform oral until she comes before I insert my dick to take my turn and then we both come together.
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            • #7
              What was that woman surgeon general's name here in the U.S. that suggested that we teach masturbation in school? I'm not advocating this but many of the children in America (and elsewhere I presume) are taught the old Puritan Ethic that sex (particularly oral) and masturbation is wrong and dirty which of course leads to all kinds of mental problems later in life. I think Batwoman is absolutely right that orgasm is a skill that needs to be learned for many women. Thankfully my wife never had that problem as she can almost come on command and is very multi-orgasmic.

              It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood.- K.Popper
              Strength is the outcome of need, security sets a premium on feebleness.-Wells

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              • #8
                Your girlfriend and my wife sound very similiar from your description. My wife was a virgin when I met her, she has never masturbated, and is the shy innocent type. We have been married for almost 15 years and she never had an orgasm until about a year and a half ago. I had always thought my size was not sufficient to bring her to orgasm and or she was one of the 70% who I have heard that can't or rarely orgasm just from sex. The awakening was when I gave her a G-spot orgasm with my thumb. She has been having easy orgasms just from penetration every since. I asked her why she didn't ever orgasm before and she told me that she didn't know what to make of the sensations and would do things to prevent it. The pee sensation was another factor for her reluctance to let go. If a woman doesn't want it to happen for whatever reason, most likely it won't. I agree with Batwoman's advice and believe if my wife masturbated she would have orgasmed a long time ago. On the plus side it has rejuvenated our sex life and it keeps getting better. Take care.
                ColtAR-15
                Senior Member
                Last edited by ColtAR-15; 12-15-2011, 10:05 PM.
                Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, 1775.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ColtAR-15 View Post
                  Your girlfriend and my wife sound very similiar from your description. My wife was a virgin when I met her, she has never masturbated, and is the shy innocent type. We have been married for almost 15 years and she never had an orgasm until about a year and a half ago. I had always thought my size was not sufficient to bring her to orgasm and or she was one of the 70% who I have heard that can't or rarely orgasm just from sex. The awakening was when I gave her a G-spot orgasm with my thumb. She has been having easy orgasms just from penetration every since. I asked her why she didn't ever orgasm before and she told me that she didn't know what to make of the sensations and would do things to prevent it. The pee sensation was another factor for her reluctance to let go. If a woman doesn't want it to happen for whatever reason, most likely it won't. I agree with Batwoman's advice and believe if my wife masturbated she would have orgasmed a long time ago. On the plus side it has rejuvenated our sex life and it keeps getting better. Take care.
                  You are actually really lucky to be married to the woman that you "deflowered," really nice story

                  That happened to us a few nights ago, I was fingering her and she had to go to the toilet during foreplay, it was actually really funny lol

                  Afterwards I explained to her that it was normal and then I explained the female anatomy, G-spot pushes against the urethra etc.

                  Yeah, I think masturbation is probably the way forward, she probably isn't comfortable enough with her own body...

                  Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to broach the subject? Should I openly talk about trying to get her to orgasm or should I take a different approach?

                  Thanks for all the replies so far!
                  My progress log

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                  • #10
                    -----
                    Padawan787
                    Moderator Reserve
                    PEGym Hero
                    Last edited by Padawan787; 12-16-2011, 02:24 AM. Reason: double post
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                    • #11
                      Have you ever talked with her about masturbation? If so, what did you say, and what did she say?

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                      • #12
                        Yes once or twice, but I was joking or teasing really

                        We have never seriously discussed masturbation

                        We were once watching a tv show and the subject of masturbation came up so I asked her how often she masturbated, she said that she rarely did it before and that she hasn't masturbated since we became a couple (which I don't believe lol)
                        My progress log

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                        • #13
                          OK, here's what I think you should do. Tell your girlfriend that you've been reading online about ways to develop your sexuality.... and that they suggested that masturbation is really important in that regard. Have a frank discussion (if you can) about the idea that women in particular can learn to have all sorts of cool orgasms (clitoral, G-spot, etc.) but that it takes practice, and that masturbation can be key. Why? Because it lets a woman explore all the sensations with no pressure. Let your girlfriend know that you think it would be a wonderful idea if she tried that.

                          Make it clear also that what you read says that it take a while. Masturbating once or twice is not necessarily going to get her anywhere She needs to think of it as something she can and should do regularly, to learn more about her body and responses. Make sure she understands that it's normal and fine and something that virtually all adult humans -- female and male -- do regularly. We don't talk about it much, but that doesn't make it bad.

                          She may be curious if you masturbate. Be honest with her. Depending how comfortable you are, and she is, and you are together, you might try showing her. I had been a grown-up and sexually active for a very long time before a man ever showed me what it looked like when he strokes himself.... and my lord, it is one of the most erotic things on the planet. I was always curious, but too shy to ask for it. Now I know better. It may well be that your girl is not ready for anything like that yet, but it is just something to keep in mind. I have also come to realize that guys can really enjoy watching a lady stroke herself, too. Something else to keep in mind and maybe discuss with your girl once she gets more comfortable with the whole idea.

                          Anyway, good luck.

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                          • #14
                            Yup I can watch a lady do that anytime she wants! I'll even turn off the tv!
                            The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by CUSP82 View Post
                              Yup I can watch a lady do that anytime she wants! I'll even turn off the tv!
                              Lol. Something I have yet to see.
                              Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Ben Franklin, 1775.

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