Ladies: why are some women just blunt about having a guy on the side?

[Brandon85 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brandon85]

I would never tell my girlfriend any of this happens. For I do not provoke it in any manner.

For example,

I am sitting there talking with my friend and his wife wife, a good friend in a totally open public area. He steps away for a bit but we continue to blah blah about nothing really. And out of the blue, she tells me that she is okay with having someone on the side.

Yeah, that was uncomfortable..

Then the other day, I am sitting there discussing something with a client and she asks me that she needs someone like me to do 'things' to. My admin assistant was standing right there. I pretended, like I always do, to think of it as a joke, and just continue in with the task at hand. I've gotten pretty good at it, as my assistant will tell you, happens a lot.

I was even told by another volunteer, that he overheard the head of the department where we were, say out loud that she is would like me to have private lessons with her. So weird.

It is very suggestive, blatant and downright aggressive at times with physically touching me inappropriately.

The majority of these women are very attractive. With great personalities and most are pretty well off.

So, ladies, why are some women so bold? I have asked my guy friends and not a whole lot of them experience what I go through. I don't think I do anything to suggest that I am that type of guy. I think it would make my girlfriend go piss crazy if I even told her a tenth of what happens. And I am worried that it will happen with her beside me one day.

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Technically that is sexual harassment. Telling them you do not appreciate the comments, gestures, or invitations then the touching becomes sexual assault.

If it is truly unwelcome you need to tell them so. Then you should be able to tell your girlfriend about the harassment without fear that she will hold it against you.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hey Brandon85,

Some women are more brazen with their advances because they fail to understand that sexual harassment is applicable to both genders. I also believe that their boldness is due to the fact that they have not had as much time (historically speaking) to perfect the subtle nuances of the art of seduction.

Now as far as why women do it in the first place? Well, their reasons are quite similar to those of men:

1) The woman did not know that the man was already attached when she first met him.

2) She is simply engaging in a little friendly flirting and her intentions were misread by the man.

3) She finds the risk-factor of an illicit affair carnal, exciting and a big turn-on.

4) She enjoys the challenge of seducing an unavailable man; she sees it as competition; providing her with a huge ego boost if she is successful. For this woman, "stealing" another woman's man often confirms her own self-worth.

5) She wants "no-strings attached sex" without jeopardizing her own relationship.

6) She assumes that an attached man is competent in bed, with plenty of sexual experience to satisfy her.

7) She has a low opinion of all men; whether they are single or attached. And since she has no real positive expectations for any long term relationships with men, and because she no longer entertains any hope of ever having a man all to herself, she doesn't really see any reason NOT to seduce a man who is already involved.

8) If he is already "taken", she believes that there is something special about this man and wants to discover just what it is.

9) She enjoys being a temptress/seductress.

Now as far as letting your girlfriend know? I suggest you tell her; she may be able to provide some insight as to why this keeps happening to you.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

I never minded it at all. Sometimes if you look back there were more subtle hints you were missing and she finally decided to throw it out there and see where it goes. Either way take it as a compliment and do with it what you want. Ive had quite a few of these situations and sometimes its just out of the blue and it makes your heart race, I personally find it very exciting.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

just keep that stuff to yourself and if it happens in front of the GF oh well she needs to trust you and get over it. You cannot control what others think or do not your problem.

[Brandon85 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brandon85]

Thanks for the insight and advice y'all.

Yes. Some situations I can easily deter the comments etc.

And situations, like my friends wife, is a little more sticky and complex.

The toughest one to be outright telling off are my clients. That is one of the reasons why I always have an assistant with me. To ensure that no sexual misunderstanding occurs or false accusations of sexual inappropriateness.

[Steneo Senior MemberPEGym Hero Member of the Month Dec 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close Steneo]

Wow...this really happens to you all the time? Must be something about you that is very attractive to lots of women. I'm right there with your friends, this never happens to me (thankfully because I'm married and it would make me very uncomfortable).

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Thanks for the insight and advice y'all.

Yes. Some situations I can easily deter the comments etc.

And situations, like my friends wife, is a little more sticky and complex.

The toughest one to be outright telling off are my clients. That is one of the reasons why I always have an assistant with me. To ensure that no sexual misunderstanding occurs or false accusations of sexual inappropriateness.

Hey Brandon85,

Deterring unwanted advances by your friend's wife or even clients does not have to be uncomfortable nor complex. Simply acknowledge the advances in a lighthearted way and then deflect. There are plenty of things that you can say that won't offend or make the situation awkward.

[PanBird Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PanBird]

Now as far as letting your girlfriend know? I suggest you tell her; she may be able to provide some insight as to why this keeps happening to you.

This. always tell your gf everything that can be sensitive to each other. You don't do anything wrong?

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Sounds to me like you're attractive and you're surprised women are slyly hitting on you.

It happens, they do that.

And these women are going to keep hitting on you and telling you inappropriate things, and even get more aggressive with you until you set some very clear boundaries from the beginning. It's all about them testing you to see how far they can push you like it's a game, just like what men do with women. When you say "That's not going to happen. I have a girlfriend." then they will back off. But some of these women need to be told until it sinks in.... There are some women out there who are that sexually aggressive. You have to always be strong because these people will make a game out of getting you to have sex with them and not care if they destroy your relationship with your girlfriend.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

The fact you are played with by confident powerful classless women to me isn't something I feel you HAVE to tell your GF as if you are reporting to her. But certainly if your GF is someone you share things with and she is mature then by all means.
It's not attractive what these women are doing so its not a compliment to you. Your GF should feel sorry you are experiencing it and hopefully give you ideas on how not to be a person that a woman can treat like that.
Really gross actually.

[Brandon85 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brandon85]

Islander,

It is very frustrating and definitely not complimenting as it puts me in very socially awkward and business compromising situations.

If it happened on the rare occasion, it wouldn't bother me so much. But it happens on such a regular basis that I sometimes wonder if I am on the Truman show.

[AlpineNewt Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close AlpineNewt]

How would your girlfriend most likely react:
1) Worried that another woman might steal you
2) Think that you're leading them on and be angry with you
3) Smug that she's the one that has the guy other women want
4) Assume that you're making it up to make her jealous
5) Won't really care because she trusts you
6) Happy that you've been honest with her
Hopefully you know her well enough to estimate the outcome.

[Brandon85 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brandon85]

My girl has seen women openly flirt with me with her right next to me.

She knows that it happens every so often with my clients as well...and thought it was hilarious at first but kind of frowned when I told her the last time it happened. So I have stopped mentioning it.

What she doesn't know and hasn't witnessed is my friends wives making extremely suggestive comments. When we all get together, the wives (yes, plural) act as if nothing happened.

"If" I tell her, I know for a fact it will piss the royal hell out of her. And will confront these women and make a scene. Which...will create tension between the women and sure the hell drive a wedge between me and my good friends.

She knows I don't do anything intentional to lead women on. But she is still human and a woman and is jealously protective of me. She understands why women are attracted to me and has explained it to me. I get it. But I don't see it. I am just me.

So, I just unraveled another question to y'all!

Guys. If your good buddies wife is hitting on you big time. Do you tell your friend?

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Next time she hits on you, you laugh then say "It sounds like it would be a good idea if I was a dirt-bag player who would bang my best friend's wife without regret. But I'm not a dirt-bag and it is not a good idea."

Or you could just say that she is beautiful, but her husband is your friend and you will not betray his friendship.

As far as telling your friend, that is one crappy choice you have to make. If you tell him he might misunderstand your motives. If you don't tell him but push the wrong button when you refuse his wife, in spite she could tell him that you're hitting on her.