How Should Men Approach Women?

[XLEdwards Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close XLEdwards]

As simple as this question sounds, I've really been stumped on how women would prefer to be approached by a total stranger, in hopes to create a relationship with the lady. Ideally, talking to women a guy should show courtesy, respect, and concern; at least that's what I think.

I've seen many of men pick up women with cheesy pick up lines, flat out rude compliments, and other strange approaches. It's really weird how some of things actually even work, and I've had some of these guys tell me how they do it. One told me you have to have swag and be smooth with them, whatever that means, sounds like utter nonsense; and yet they end up with girls all the time. Another mentioned it's about self presentation, though his attire wasn't exactly "classy" or "formal" looking(baggy pants below the waist, long t-shirt, with one of those big hats that seem to be popular). I always dress like going to a job interview; collared shirt tucked in with slacks and dress-like shoes.

Do I come off as a creep or something?Maybe it's this young generation I'm stuck in, being 22 and all, maybe girls like the " bad boy" attitude and look now? Don't know, and that's why I'm asking for the more experienced women out to give me their thoughts and advice.

Please and thank you.

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

I am in my mid forties so this shapes my perspective on "picking" up girls. I wouldn't pick up girls because to me that seems to objectify her, kind of like if a person only thought of us and our life based on our dick size.

(1) First, I suggest you take an inventory of who you are to determine your strengths and weaknesses (i.e. ability to empathize, moral character, etc).

After you know this (2) determine what you want out a relationship. It sounds silly but often people go into relationships for the less than desirable reasons. Maybe because they are bored or lonely so they date any girl that comes along. (3) date a girl that is a good match for you based on the 2 points listed above.

People could do more self introspection as this will bring more awareness to help them grow, find happiness and, build a sense of ease within themselves. When that happens it makes it more possible to have a satisfying relationship.

Good luck and you sound like a good dude.

[XLEdwards Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close XLEdwards]

I am in my mid forties so this shapes my perspective on "picking" up girls. I wouldn't pick up girls because to me that seems to objectify her, kind of like if a person only thought of us and our life based on our dick size.

(1) First, I suggest you take an inventory of who you are to determine your strengths and weaknesses (i.e. ability to empathize, moral character, etc).

After you know this (2) determine what you want out a relationship. It sounds silly but often people go into relationships for the less than desirable reasons. Maybe because they are bored or lonely so they date any girl that comes along. (3) date a girl that is a good match for you based on the 2 points listed above.

People could do more self introspection as this will bring more awareness to help them grow, find happiness and, build a sense of ease within themselves. When that happens it makes it more possible to have a satisfying relationship.

Good luck and you sound like a good dude.

Thank you for your feedback, and yes, I'm a proper gentleman; or I at least try to be. Those are good points you put out there, but when I talk to a girl, for say in the book store, I always get a little nervous. I try to analyze what could happen, good and bad, and try to come to a conclusion on how to coupe with it. I don't want to walk up to her and probably annoy her, I don't want to come off as a creepy guy who says, "Hi, I just wanted to say that I think you're beautiful." And there's times when I talk to a girl she has this expression that she's expecting me hit on her, or something, which becomes awkward.

I really don't care for picking up girls, but more of just making more social talk with them and getting to know them, hell maybe even make a few new friends. My friends that consist of girls is lacking badly, and I'm a pretty shy guy when it comes to talking with them. One of my goals this year was to be more sociable with the opposite sex, but that's more challenging than I thought. I'm quite the attractive guy, so I've been told, athletic, kind, respectful; I shouldn't be so scared to talk with a women at all really, but I am lol.

[AnonIsAGoodGuy Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AnonIsAGoodGuy]

I don't really post on this forum a lot, but i have had experience in picking up women...and i'm saying that without trying to sound like a pretentious douchebag. i feel like maybe i can help you, and it's a topic i'm very interested in, and forgive me if i will get too in-depth with it!

Anyhow...i'm 21, and we're both very young, so i say get the stupid shit out of the way and do it now before you get too "adult-like." That said...i've started picking up women a while ago, when i saw vitalytv and simplepickups on youtube. i thought it was ridiculous, and what was more ridiculous is that girls fucking fell for it. now...i can say that i'm sort average looking (at least, for fuck's sake), and i'm an introvert. now that doesn't necessarily mean i'm shy, it just means i don't exactly rely on other people, and don't really like making conversation. but one characteristic of mine is that i just don't give a rat's ass what people think......so i decided to start picking up women, and soon enough i was at the mall with my buddy, doing pick-up lines on gurls. I get 50/100 numbers, but few of those you make a connection with, or you even go on a date, and maybe something else. So my point is...pick-up lines work on girls who are generally shallow, and it makes pick-up sort of...fucking pathetic. the ONLY thing i'm grateful for about that experience is that i got used to failure even more than not giving a fuck in the beginning. what it made me realize is that...those girls i had "success" with...turned out to be shallow. yes, you can end up sleeping with them...but it's all bullshit, and you'll get tired of it.

try not fall in love 10 fucking times because you saw 10 gorgeous girls. i know...women are glorious, and damn beautiful, misterious...but just restrain yourself.

What's the best pick-up line?
Be as genuine as possible...women are smarter when it comes to this shit: i PROMISE YOU, they will notice that you're being truthful, and honest. of course, i'm not talking about...spoiled...ratched girls, i'm referring to intelligent, beautiful, and a woman who's worth taking a shot at. so the best pick up line is something along the lines of "Hi, i thought you were very beautiful, and i was wondering if you were single/what's your name?/..." normal stuff like that. just be nice, and honest.

I just basically do pick-ups now only if i'm with friends, because it's always very fun and funny. sort of like a prank. I don't do it to ACTUALLY pick-up anymore.

I hope i helped you with the approaching part...as far as conversation goes (and my understanding is that that's the thing you're having most trouble with)...i can only tell you that...i can't really teach you what to say. for example...i fucking HATE IT when going into "interview" mode, not as much as the boring part but...it's more that you're PLANNING where the conversation will lead. i HATE THAT! My advice is just: wonder into it, buddy. If you're normal, and you're funny with around your buddies, and you're not a psychopath, chances are you'll come up with something to say. something good to say. also...look at good interviewers...i used to watch a lot of the Late Late Night Show with Craig Ferguson (my favourite talk show host of all time...who's announced his retire recently ;-; ) on CBS. Craig is just...hilarious...and you'll notice in the interviews he will tear up the sheets where the questions for the guests are written. why? because he'd rather build up a conversation out of genuine interest...adn believe me...he REALLY is good with the ladies.
also...be funny...try to stick out from all the previous guys that tried to pick "her" up. exaggerate her statements like...uhhhhh...if she says she likes to drink and party, ask her "oh how long have you been an alcoholic?"...shit like that *wink wink*

my last two tips...i mean advices (kinda funny saying tips in a p.e. forum lel) is BE CONFIDENT, and BE YOURSELF.
Confidence means really...don't be afraid to show her who you are: if she doesn't find YOU, YOUR SELF interesting, don't be afraid to leave.


MEIN WERK HEEEER IZ DUN

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

XLEdwards, some good points in AnonIsAGoodGuy post. The thought of meeting a girl is exciting and can be nerve wracking only if we let it. You definately don't want to tell someone that you don't know that they are beautiful, it is creepy and shallow which is a whole bunch of not good.
I suggest not trying to analyze what is said and just listen and respond to what you think and feel. You should also pay attention to what she is saying to see if she is not a loon and is worth any of your time. Keep it light at first, if she is "cool" get her number and go from there. Good luck bud.

[Sean Jacobs Retired Moderator Member of the Month Dec 2012PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Sean Jacobs]

How should you approach women? With complete confidence and free of expectations.

Complete Confidence: You need to know, deep in your soul, that you are a great guy with a lot to offer a woman. The MUST be 100% genuine and it can take years to develop that level of self respect and love for one's self. If you are trying to fake this, you will fail.

Free of Expectations: No matter what the outcome of the approach you MUST be perfectly fine with it because you had no preset expectations. You accept her reaction/response with respect and courtesy whether it is good or bad and never let it impact your confidence in a negative way.

This is much easier said than done.

[Hugh_package22 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hugh_package22]

Just say hello, if they are walking you could say mind if i walk with you for a little? If they are sitting you could ask if they mind if you sit with them, or you can just say hi then if they say hi introduce yourself just start chatting, if you put too much effort in thinking it over in your head how or what to do you are going to screw yourself over just keep it simple and if she doesnt want to give her number or something then just say okay cool there are so many reasons why she might not give you it, but atleast you took a shot which honestly i think most guys don't really do anymore because people of our generation kind of lack social skills and how to express how they feel and alot of times it leads to confusion. But like i said just keep it simple and just be happy you had the balls to say something.

I think a great example of being single is in How I Met Your Mother, Barney sleeps with so many randoms and is thought of as a legend then at one point you find out it's cause he hits on so many women and gets denied but doesn't let it effect his ego so he keeps trying. He only has a 1.2% success rate or something with all his funny and ridiculous pick up attempts but the reason he goes home with so many women is because he always is hitting on someone new. You throw a big enough net in the ocean your bound to catch a fish

[HammerTime89 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HammerTime89]

Confidence and bring something to the table. Don't approach with nothing to talk about. Giving a compliment gets the ball rolling for me.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

From the front, women apparently don't like being approached from the sides or behind which sounds logical as you might be a baddie. As opposed to men, we generally don't like other males approaching from the front, it seems like a challenge when another guy walks directly up to you square on.

I found being quietly confident, humorous and being yourself, but a little cheeky also always got them smiling.

Also smile at them and have a twinkle in your eye helps

[XLEdwards Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close XLEdwards]

Very great advice folks, I thank you all for taking out the time to post it. I'll take all this into consideration, and definitely practice it in public. Don't like leaving everything up to technology these days, got to get out and speak with people, and if not for dating purposes just for make a new friend or two. And no worries, AnonIsAGoodGuy, the last thing I'm looking for is a shallow girl to waste time with.

And confidence, that's going to be a tough one. I take it if you're beaming with confidence that attracts the attention of girls more, and gives them more interest in the guy? Also, how far can a compliment go till it's too much? For say, telling a women you like her dress and she looks really good in it; some girls might get offended right?

[Going411x7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Going411x7]

With gentleness and a big smile.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Edwards, what I'm hearing you say is "How can I tip toe around other people and always be a nice guy?" What do you care if you offend her? Seriously, I'm asking.
You walk up to a woman, you say "hey I thought you looking absolutely radiant in that dress." And she gets offended? Who's problem is that? Hers, or yours?
It's her problem. If she spends 1-2 hours getting ready JUST to get upset when someone comments on it, then she's got something wrong with her brain. the truth is, she won't be upset by a genuine compliment. She'll get upset when you treat her like a piece of meat. "Daaaaamn girl, look at that ass. Wussup, babe?" That's upsetting.

Also, this whole "appearing like a creep" thing has got to go. I know it's easier said than done. Look, not everyone is going to like you. The whole appearing like a creep thing is really more of an indication of how she felt about you in that one moment. if you did the same thing to ten other girls, some will like it, some won't. That's just how it goes.
When you realize that and you remain emotionally unaffected by other people's response to you, then you'll be better equipped to approach random women.

For myself, I do childish, infantile things. I'm a little embarrassed to say what I do but whatever.
I'll hold a door open for a girl. As she walks through, I'll push her out of the way and say ME FIRST!
I'll ask her if the shirt she's wearing comes in men's sizes.
I'll throw things at her.
I'll purposefully bump into her and accuse her of trying to touch me.
I'll accuse her of stealing, or checking me out, or being a pervert or lesbian or some sort of sexual deviant
If I'm on a bus and a cute girl walks on, I'll welcome her to the bus. "Welcome to the 95." This is kind of weird, I know. I usually get a laugh or a look that says "what the fuck are you on?" (obviously, the 95!)
I'll always give a girl a nickname. Avocado girl is at the grocery store, sparky is the second cup girl at the mall, then I have the biker chick (she's always on a stationary) in my building, then I have Sassy Pants next door.


As for what you can say, hi works well. She'll let you know right away if she's interested in the conversation or not. If she responds, it's because she's open. If she's closed off, she doesn't want to. Simple stuff.
You can make a comment about what she's wearing, what she's doing or something going on in the environment. There's always something to comment on if you look for it.

[DemandPerfection1995 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close DemandPerfection1995]

Women should approach real men. The feminine aspect entails that of submissiveness, whilst the masculine aspect is related to dominance/power. Attain power in order to be dominant and females will behave submissively. Unless you find yourself a Jewel, which is unlikely in Adam's mind... (spiritualism 101). Once you reach the point that you should be trying to arrive at, your desire for love should fade anyways... Sooooo my advice, don't approach women w/ intent to create love, they perceive it as an pathetic wimb from an powerless male... I would recommend, that you get to where you need to be and let them smell it...

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Women should approach real men. The feminine aspect entails that of submissiveness, whilst the masculine aspect is related to dominance/power. Attain power in order to be dominant and females will behave submissively. Unless you find yourself a Jewel, which is unlikely in Adam's mind... (spiritualism 101). Once you reach the point that you should be trying to arrive at, your desire for love should fade anyways... Sooooo my advice, don't approach women w/ intent to create love, they perceive it as an pathetic wimb from an powerless male... I would recommend, that you get to where you need to be and let them smell it...

Well that's interesting!

[AlpineNewt Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close AlpineNewt]

Also, how far can a compliment go till it's too much? For say, telling a women you like her dress and she looks really good in it; some girls might get offended right?

Not quite. If you say that you like something she is wearing then you are complimenting her taste, which is good.
Compliments on her figure, face or parts thereof are not so good as she may well feel you are objectifying her. However those types of comments are well received in bed