She said she has no sex drive...

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

My GF of four months now doesnt have a sex drive and its killing me.
We have only had sex 4 times in over 30 days, and every time I try, she says no. She doesnt even get affectionate with me, but she says she loves me and is happy with me. Actions speak louder than words do and her actions say to me that she doesnt feel attracted to me, cause I just cant buy the fact that she doesnt have a sex drive at 27 years old! We used to have sex on the regular, and even though I'm going through my problem with my dick, she still was down and she never said no. Only thing different now is, she is clean and not on that dope anymore (meth). So I guess that made her want sex more she said and without it she doesnt feel like having sex. Yea, I want her clean, but I want sex with her too, regardless of my problem, she could still try tho..

The last three nights we have been into it a lil bit, mostly cause every time we had plans to do something (not sex) someone would come along and want her to go with them. Its like she wants to be there but doesnt. From a womans POV, what should I be thinking or expect from her? Should I just hang in there or talk to her about it more and tell her its this or that? IDK, I just know I want to have sex with my baby, and she doesnt....

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

She probably needs adjustment o getting off the meth. How long was she using? If it was for a significant time it is going to take some time for her hormones to get back on track. It is apparent that this is a very frustrating experience for you and an adjustment time for her. If she is interested talk with her about was is going on with her. Giving her comfort will make her closer to you and touching her non-sexually to show you care will warm her up to.. It make take some time to get her to the point of wanting the physical part but when she gets there it will be great. Not knowing all of the past what I wrote may not all apply but good luck to you and her as you two move forward. Congrats to her for getting off the drug and to yoU for reaching out to the community.
Good luck Tex,
RV

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

BTW nice Mustang as your avatar. I like the 2015 but the 2014 still looks better to me. If I was to get a 2015 it would be a dark red stang with glass top roof and an auto 5.0. Being 46 I don't want to shift too much.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

She probably needs adjustment o getting off the meth. How long was she using? If it was for a significant time it is going to take some time for her hormones to get back on track. It is apparent that this is a very frustrating experience for you and an adjustment time for her. If she is interested talk with her about was is going on with her. Giving her comfort will make her closer to you and touching her non-sexually to show you care will warm her up to.. It make take some time to get her to the point of wanting the physical part but when she gets there it will be great. Not knowing all of the past what I wrote may not all apply but good luck to you and her as you two move forward. Congrats to her for getting off the drug and to yoU for reaching out to the community.
Good luck Tex,
RV

since she was 14, shes 27 now. At first we always had sex, but she was also on that shit, but shes been over 30 days clean now. I have read up on the addiction and a lot of ex uses say they still dont have a drive for sex. I want to talk to her about it,but Im afraid she wont want to and Ill still be left there not really knowing anything.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

BTW nice Mustang as your avatar. I like the 2015 but the 2014 still looks better to me. If I was to get a 2015 it would be a dark red stang with glass top roof and an auto 5.0. Being 46 I don't want to shift too much.

Thanks, thats my other baby Norma Jean... She is an 09 gt shelby pk. Added a racing chip and a american thunder catback exhaust to it, next a CAI and maybe headers. I wanted a 5.0, but I really liked this one when I seen it sitting there and had to have it lol, and I'll be 36 next month so I know what you mean about shifting.

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

Yes, I see your point that she might not want to talk and it is not a good idea to push it. Not being a counselor take this point of view with a grain of salt, you two can go out and try and do things together, perhaps going dancing, watching a live sporting event or live music. Plan some things and take her hand and lead the way. Mostly touch her for comfort. The Passionate Wife had a great post about the importance of touch. Best of luck and wish you well.
Rich

[JurassicBone Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JurassicBone]

When people use substances for a prolonged period of time, there's a dramatic changes in their being, most drugs stimulate dopa-mine receptors, and when you get off serious drug that wipe out your adrenals as well as alot of your ''happy'' neural chemicals from being over stimulated, you tend to lose a lot of joy, or interest in most normal everyday things, i've been there (not with meth.)
She just needs time to bounce back, hopefully most of the way, but there's a chance that her prolonged abuse could have really messed her up, and if tht's the case she needs to see a medical professional and tell them whats going on.
Or she could just be cheating, and be disenchanted with the whole relationship, but i would go with the first.

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Interesting Reading: Meth and Sexual Promiscuity


"So while meth users may use the drug to enhance sexual pleasure, long-term meth use can ultimately put an end to a healthy sex life altogether.

Studies have found that females metabolize meth differently than males, and therefore a women's sexual experience can differ from a male's experience and may affect their drive to have sex while on meth differently that males. For example, a recent study of the gender specific effects and drive to use the drug found that 23 percent of males as opposed to 14 percent of females reported using meth specifically to enhance sexual pleasure."

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

When people use substances for a prolonged period of time, there's a dramatic changes in their being, most drugs stimulate dopa-mine receptors, and when you get off serious drug that wipe out your adrenals as well as alot of your ''happy'' neural chemicals from being over stimulated, you tend to lose a lot of joy, or interest in most normal everyday things, i've been there (not with meth.)
She just needs time to bounce back, hopefully most of the way, but there's a chance that her prolonged abuse could have really messed her up, and if tht's the case she needs to see a medical professional and tell them whats going on.
Or she could just be cheating, and be disenchanted with the whole relationship, but i would go with the first.

Ive never once thought about her cheating on me cause she is the type that will do what she wants when she wants and she is very straight up. I know its the drug use, and I know it will take time.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

We talked during my lunch break. I asked her to be straight up with me and that this her chance to let me know whats up and why she doesnt want to have sex with me....

She sat there just looking at me not really saying much. I kept talking to her about it though and she said to me that she just doesnt want to have sex, be touched or touch me in any sexual way right now and doesnt know when.I kept asking her what about me and what am I supposed to do when I want to have sex with you? Just just sat there.... I wasnt trying to be pushy, just get in her head and find out why. She did say she loves me and does want to be with me though, and I told her that I am here for her no matter what and when the time comes, for her to make a move on me. I dont want to keep asking her that but I still feel there is more to it than just her not wanting to havce sex with me... It hurts me too, and I let her know that.

[Joint-Expansion Senior Member Member of the Month August 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Joint-Expansion]

Give her some time to re-establish homeostasis with her serotonin levels and overall feeling of what it's like to feel normal, without substance enhancement. Hopefully as her body readjusts, she will gradually want to be intimate again.

But if this carries on for several more months, you might have to come to the realization that she may not be that interested in sex, or perhaps she may have a very low sex drive, minus the drugs. You may then have to decide if you can live with that or not. But hopefully you won't have to deal with that. Best of luck.

[JurassicBone Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JurassicBone]

My advice is leave her alone, you say she's straight up and that she said she loves you, so she obviously not cheating, and coming off of drugs will have a direct impact on sex drive.
There's nothing more to it, your just in your head and you have to stop, you've never come off of drugs, it's one of the hardest things in the world, respect her and leave her be, if it's to much to not have sex, then you should re-consider the relationship and what it means to you.
Either way, whats more important is that she stays clean which i now your on board with, but if that mean no sex then, i guess your just going to have to deal with it.
But if i where you i would ease off the ''what about me wanting sex'' thing.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

My advice is leave her alone, you say she's straight up and that she said she loves you, so she obviously not cheating, and coming off of drugs will have a direct impact on sex drive.
There's nothing more to it, your just in your head and you have to stop, you've never come off of drugs, it's one of the hardest things in the world, respect her and leave her be, if it's to much to not have sex, then you should re-consider the relationship and what it means to you.
Either way, whats more important is that she stays clean which i now your on board with, but if that mean no sex then, i guess your just going to have to deal with it.
But if i where you i would ease off the ''what about me wanting sex'' thing.

I went back home after our talk to let her know that I was sorry for making it more about me than what she is going through. The last thing I want to do is push her away to go get high or worse. I just wanted her to know that I am here for her and I am willing to go however long it takes for her to have that feeling. It will be hard though, cause I am very sexual, and I might at times still think she isnt attracted to me, but I know I cant think that way or be selfish to her

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

Someone who just came off meth needs proper care... it's not something you just use or don't use whenever you want, that stuff is like prescription medication. Please talk to her about rehabilitation and/or seeking counseling.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

Someone who just came off meth needs proper care... it's not something you just use or don't use whenever you want, that stuff is like prescription medication. Please talk to her about rehabilitation and/or seeking counseling.

She has been to rehab twice and does have a sponser and goes to her meetings often