Who doesn’t want to last longer in bed? Most men have issues in at least one of the areas below. Focus on the one(s) you feel is most important to you (e.g.: relaxation, masturbation habits, etc.).
Read on to learn everything you need to know about increasing your sexual stamina. How do I last longer in bed? What can I do to make sex last as long as I want? What products or exercises will really increase my sexual stamina?
- Sexual Stamina isn’t a Number – There is no magic number of minutes you should last in bed. Even research gives conflicting averages for sexual stamina. Instead, your focus should be on lasting as long as you and your partner want, whether that’s 3 minutes or 3 hours.
- Stress Negatively Affects Stamina – Stress and anxiety are prominent factors in reduced sexual stamina. Relax! Be confident in your abilities!
- Masturbation can be Good or Bad – If you want to last longer at sex, correct masturbation habits can help. Incorrect masturbation habits, however, can harm your ability to have sex for as long as you want. Check out these articles about the benefits and negatives about masturbation: Masturbation and Sex and 5 Reasons Why Masturbation is Good for You and 5 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Masturbation.
Why Do I Want to Last Longer in Bed?
OK, you’re probably thinking the answer to that question is pretty obvious. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that more time clocked between the sheets equals better sex. It doesn’t. The desire to increase your sexual stamina isn’t about racking up the hours — it’s about having the control to make sex last as long as you and your partner want it to last. Sometimes a five-minute quickie is just as desirable as a marathon sex session. The point is:
With sexual stamina, the choice is yours!
Once you have that control, your entire sex life can change. You can try new things, knowing if they don’t quite work for your partner, you can do something else, because you’re going to be totally in control. You’re also going to avoid the negative qualities associated with lack of control – embarrassment, shame, anxiety, etc.
What Role Does My Penis Play in Sex?
Your erection doesn’t begin with your penis, it actually begins in your brain! Stimulation causes the brain to send chemical messages to the nerves in your penis, that allow the blood vessels to relax, so blood can fill the tissues of the penis, causing it to expand. This constricts the veins, so the blood cannot leave the penis, keeping it erect.
On average, men stay erect for 7.3 minutes. That may not seem very long, but if you consider how long women say they prefer to have sex, you can see how this isn’t too far off what women want. In one study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers found the amount of time women preferred for actual intercourse ranged between 3 and 13 minutes. However, whether it’s ego or the natural drive to be better, most men want to last longer and be in complete control of their ejaculation.
How Do I Make Sex Last as Long as I Want?
There are several techniques you can use to increase your sexual stamina. Stamina issues can be related to psychological components (anxiety, guilt, etc.), physical components or a combination of both. Here are some of the most effective ways you can last longer in bed. Following are the best ways to increase your sexual stamina.
Breathing Exercises for More Control in Bed
Staying relaxed is one of the best ways to remain in control during sex. Breathing exercises can help you keep your arousal level under control. When you’re stressed, the urge to fight-or-flight takes over. This is your sympathetic nervous system taking control of your body and leads to ejaculation. Instead, through meditative, breathing exercises, you can keep your body in the sympathetic mode — the relaxed, controlled mode. Breathing exercises will also help you last longer in bed by keeping your focus on breathing, distracting you from the physical, sexual stimuli your body is feeling.
Semi-deep breathing is more effective than deep breathing. Semi-deep breathing will allow you to be relaxed and in control. Deep breathing can become too relaxing, allowing you to lose your focus on the breathing, which can result in loss of control of your arousal level. If you can, take a class on meditation. It’ll not only help you in the sack, but in other areas of your life as well.
Try Triangle Breathing:
- Breathe in slowly for 2 to 6 seconds.
- Hold the breath for the same amount of time (2 to 6 seconds).
- Exhale slowly for the same amount of time (2 to 6 seconds).
Serotonin Levels and Sexual Stamina
Serotonin is the calming hormone your body releases. Remaining calm and relaxed, as we’ve noted is key to maintaining control during sex. There are natural ways to increase your serotonin levels, as well as supplements that can be taken. These include:
- Deep Breathing – Naturally increases your serotonin levels. That’s why you get that calm, relaxed feeling when doing those deep breathing exercises!
- Positive Outlook – Keeping a positive outlook on life keeps your serotonin levels up. This is why anxiety is such a detriment to sexual stamina, because it lowers your serotonin levels.Have confidence in yourself and your abilities and think positively about your sexual experiences.
- Carbs for a Serotonin Boost – Serotonin levels rise when we eat carbohydrates, which helps explain quite a few “comfort” foods. Stay away from high protein meals before sex, as this can block serotonin. Instead, try a candy bar to last longer in bed.
- Serotonin Supplements – There are several supplements you can buy, over-the-counter, to boost your serotonin levels. Climinax offers a variety of benefits, including helping you increase your sexual stamina.
Confidence and Lasting Longer in Bed
Oftentimes, problems with sexual stamina stem from, or are at least complicated by, lack of confidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You doubt your abilities between the sheets, and that raises your anxiety, which makes you ejaculate sooner than you wanted to (thanks to that fight-or-flight response), which then feeds into your self-doubt even more.
No matter what you feel is the catalyst for your sexual stamina challenges,
Be confident in yourself and your abilities!
Have faith that you can last longer in bed! Believe in your ability to satisfy your lover! Know you can overcome these stamina obstacles! The right mindset is half the battle. And, even when things don’t go as planned, don’t dwell on it. Know that sometimes you have to take a step backward to move two steps forward in life.
Mindset and Lasting Longer During Sex
Along with believing in yourself, your general mindset can also affect how long you last in bed. Stop over-thinking the situation. Sex isn’t rocket science. Focus on sensuality of the situation, not the sexuality. Stop thinking and start perceiving. Although you’ll be receiving a lot of pleasure, pay attention to the sensation of giving that pleasure to help control your arousal level.
Remember the Little Engine that Could, who succeeded by starting off with, “I think I can. I think I can.” What you focus on becomes your reality. Keep positive. Keep confident.
Most importantly –
Don’t treat sex like an occasion. Instead, treat it like a fun, learning experience. Sex doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyable. Use each opportunity as a time to learn something new and do a little bit better.
Relax Your Pelvic Floor Muscles
Your pelvic floor muscles are a key component to ejaculation control. With strong, healthy muscles, you will enjoy harder erections, an increased erection angle and can even become multi-orgasmic! This, plus the myriad of other health benefits, are why Kegels should be a part of every man’s penis exercise routine. Check out our Kegel Exercises for Men article for more details on Kegeling!
However, although strong pelvic floor muscles are needed for a great sex life, overactive pelvic floor muscles are one of the leading causes of stamina issues. Relax your pelvic floor muscles during sex, keeping your body in the parasympathetic mode and in control. Unintentional contractions can lead to unintentional ejaculation.
To Kegel to stop ejaculation, try the following:
- 2 to 5 seconds BEFORE you reach the Point of No Return (PONR), contract your pelvic floor muscles (Kegel.)
- Hold this contraction for between 10 and 15 seconds, until the urge to orgasm passes.
This is a very difficult technique to master. Plus, your body is unique, so adjust the time frames accordingly.
Practice Good Masturbation Habits
Masturbation can either help you increase your sexual stamina or be part of your stamina problem. Too many times guys masturbate with the goal of orgasming as quickly as possible. This can train your ejaculatory reflex to ejaculate too quickly, when it comes time for sex with your partner. If you want to last longer in bed, you need to practice good masturbation habits. Following are tips to ensure you’re practicing good masturbation habits that will help, not hinder, your performance in the bedroom.
- 20 Minutes a Session – Masturbate with the goal of taking at least 20 minutes a session. If you don’t have 20 or more minutes to spend, don’t even start. The goal is to not let yourself orgasm until you’ve spent at least 20 minutes masturbating. Take that time to focus on your body cues. Back off when you feel you might be reaching the PONR. Relax and control your arousal level.
- Practice Edging or Stop & Starts – With Edging and Start & Stops, you use the PONR as a guide to controlling your arousal. Bringing yourself to the brink, and then easing back during masturbation, helps you learn to remain in control, when it comes time for the real deal.
- Cold Erection Only – Always begin your masturbation session with no erection, and only become erect through manual stimulation only – no visual or thought stimulation.
- Get a Performance Trainer – The Performance Trainer is the most lifelike feeling masturbator on the market today. It will help you get used to the feeling of a vagina, preparing you more thoroughly for real sex than simple masturbation alone.
- Don’t Cum for the Sake of Cumming – It’s OK to masturbate and not orgasm. If you can, wait until the next day to ejaculate, and you’ll have a lot more energy.
Take Preventative Measures
If it’s been days, or even weeks, since the last time you orgasmed, your body is going to be raring to go at the slightest sexual stimulation. There’s truth in the scene where Ben Stiller’s character is told to masturbate before going out on his date with Cameron Diaz, in Something About Mary. A preventative masturbation session before date night can help you keep control later in the evening, when you’re with your partner. However, remember, in addition to cleaning up after you’re done…
Always use good masturbation habits, as outlined above!
Remain Calm for Arousal Control
No matter what issue is negatively affecting your sexual stamina, the key here is to teach your body (and your mind) to relax. Focus on that – remaining calm. Again, when we’re stressed, our body goes into fight-or-flight mode (sympathetic mode), which will lead to ejaculation. Keep calm and stay in the parasympathetic mode, so you can keep control of your arousal. Remember:
- Use breathing exercises or meditation to keep calme
- Relax your pelvic floor muscles.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, keep your arousal level at or below a 7, to remain calm and in control.
REMEMBER: Stay calm. Be confident. Keep a clear mind.
Focus on Her
As we discussed earlier, there is no magic number when it comes to how long you should last. Instead, it more about how long you and your partner want you to last. By focusing on pleasuring your partner and making her orgasm first, it takes a lot of pressure off of yourself. You have other ways to please her, outside of straight intercourse. Make her orgasm with oral sex or manual stimulation (perhaps multiple times!), and she won’t mind you’re not marathon man between the sheets.
Here are a few tips:
- Enhance her experience by telling her how much you enjoy being with her – how she feels – how she tastes – how she looks.
- Pay attention to her entire body — remember, even places like the nape of the neck and the backs of the knees can be erotic hotspots for her.
- Take your time. Don’t rush. Savor every moment. On average, it takes women 11 minutes to become fully aroused. If you’re rushing foreplay, you may just be making things that much more difficult for both you and her.
- Watch and listen for her body cues. She may tell you, “Oh, God, that feels good.” or she may not, but her body will speak volumes, if you are paying attention.
- Don’t assume the same thing that worked last time will necessarily work this time for her. It may or may not.
- Don’t assume what she likes or doesn’t like. Communicate, and most importantly, listen.
Other Ways to Help You Last Longer
Following are more techniques to help you last longer in bed.
- Counseling – If your stamina issues are due to stress or other anxiety-type issues, speaking to a mental health professional can help you sort things out. Additionally, try some of the physical cures below, as they can help you improve your confidence in the sack, while also improving blood flow to your penis, strengthening muscles, and improving the overall health of your best friend.
- Distraction – The old cliche – “Think about baseball” – may work for some men, but others have a harder time fully pulling away from the sexual moment before orgasm. Instead of baseball or some other unrelated topic, distract yourself instead by thinking about what your other body parts are doing. Focus on feeling your arms supporting your weight. Are your knees bent or straight? You’re in the moment but not too in the moment.
- Switch Positions – If you feel like you’re going to orgasm too quickly, change positions. The few seconds it may take to move around may be just the breather you need to regain control. You’ll also learn which positions are easier for you to increase your sexual stamina.
- Condoms – Condoms have two benefits for those who’d like to last longer in bed. First, they do slightly reduce the sensation to your penis, which may help your sexual stamina. Second, condoms protect against STDs and unplanned pregnancies, which are worries that can sometimes affect a man’s stamina.
- Desensitizing Creams – There are climax control gels and creams available that are also designed to numb your penis slightly. Some condoms also come with cream on the inside. The primary challenge with desensitizing creams is it can affect your partner’s ability to orgasm.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – If you feel like there may be a psychological component to your stamina concerns, a therapist can be very beneficial in helping you deal with these issues. Whether it’s anxiety, guilt, or even relationship problems affecting your performance, they can help you resolve these issues.
- Herbal Supplements – There are several herbs that have been proven effective in helping you last longer in bed. These include: Peruvian ginseng, kava, 5-flavor berry, withania somnifera, linden flower, and the Himalayan goji berry. Most of these work by improving your libido while also reducing your anxiety, a known cause of loss of control.
Lasting longer at sex is a common desire for many men. You’re not alone. More importantly, there are things you can do to improve your sexual stamina! Whatever technique that addresses your issue best, remember — stay calm and relaxed. Have confidence in your abilities. Keep clear minded. These will keep your body in the parasympathetic mode and your arousal under control, until you’re ready to orgasm.