It seems like a cruel joke — when guys are young and inexperienced, orgasming too quickly is a big concern. You dream of being able to have sex for hours and are happy when you last more than 20 minutes. However, as men age, and they’re likely in a stable relationship with someone they love, orgasming can become more difficult – to sometimes near impossible. You now long for the days when you could orgasm with a few quick thrusts.

What the heck?!

Trouble Orgasming As Men Get Older

First, know that you’re not alone. Starting around the age 50, many men find they need a lot more penile stimulation to orgasm. Even when you do orgasm, you may find that the orgasm isn’t as powerful as when you were young. Again – a common problem, even if it is disconcerting.

Possible Causes for Trouble Ejaculating When Guys are Over 50

• Weak Pelvic Floor – If your pelvic floor muscles are weak your orgasm, instead of being a volcano may be more like a leaky faucet. Because of this, you may not even realize you’ve orgasmed, as a weak ejaculation may not be pleasurable at all.
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• Neurological Conditions (diabetes, paraplegia, multiple sclerosis) – These conditions can damage the nerves that control your orgasm.
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• Alcohol – That beer with dinner every night not only has been associated with erectile dysfunction, but also with trouble orgasming.
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• Drugs – Prescription meds, like antidepressants and blood pressure control, can affect a man’s ability to orgasm. Even over the counter drugs, like Aleve, can have a negative effect on your orgasm.
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• Stress – Stress is both an erection killer and an orgasm killer.
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• Lack of Focus on YOUR Pleasure – As men mature, they begin to really focus on pleasuring their partner. As you get older, and your body needs more stimulation, this lack of focus on what you’re experiencing can make it difficult for you to orgasm.

What Can I Do to Orgasm When I’m Older?

There are several things you can do, to help if you’re having difficulty orgasming.

1. See a Doctor – Be sure it’s not a physical condition, like diabetes, that’s making it difficult for you to orgasm.
2. Try Standing – Author, Clive Peters, in his book Exploring Sex, Love and Lust, suggests standing during sex – either with your partner bent over the arm of a couch or like-height piece of furniture, or kneeling on an appropriate height bed. Standing is easier on your knees and back and can make it easier to orgasm, as men age.
3. Do Kegels – Kegels will help strengthen your pelvic floor.
4. Stop Drinking – A drink occasionally (think couple of times a month) is usually OK, but if you find yourself having a drink regularly – even once a week – stop. Give your body time to readjust to the alcohol-free state too – think months, not days here.
5. Consider the Drugs You Take – If you’re taking prescription meds, talk with your doctor about the possibility of the challenge of orgasming being a side effect. Your doctor may have a suggestion, or may suggest a different course of medication.
6. Tell Your Partner What You Need – Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what stimulation works for you. You may need more significant manual or oral stimulation – that’s OK. Let your partner know this.
7. Breathe – Deep breathing can help relax your muscles and help you reach orgasm.
8. Use Lube – Even regular lube can help make your penis more sensitive. You may even try specialty lube – warming or cooling. Even things like your partner having an Altoid in their mouth, as they give you a blowjob can increase sensitivity. However, note, not all men like that warming or cooling sensation – so go easy on it at first.
9. Stop Stressing – Worrying that you might not orgasm is going to increase your anxiety and stress and make the situation worse. Go into your next sexual situation with the idea that you’re just going to have FUN. If an orgasm happens – bonus – but, if not, you and your partner are going to have a good time being intimate together.
10. Talk to an Expert – A sex therapist can give you valuable insight into not only the physical, but emotional factors that are playing into the situation, as well as help you and your partner better communicate and develop tools to better your sex life.

The most important thing is to not give up and communicate with your partner. You can get through this!