Extreme P.E, dont feel like a real man

[reallyneedhelp Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close reallyneedhelp]

Hi guys
been lurking on this forum for a while now.
The last 2-3 years I have been suffering from P.E that has got worse and worse, never used to be this bad but can barely last a minute.
Now i have difficulty getting an errection sometimes too.
I have lost my wife of 17 years to this, she found another man who could satisfy her. She is not with him now and I know that if I could show her I have improved we could get back together.
I have been trying kegals and reverse kegals these past few weeks but I havent noticed any difference.
Last year I was prescriped an SSRI from doctors but that too had no effect.
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I just have this feeling that Im gonna end up a lonely old man on my own because I cant have sex

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

First off, sex is usually an excuse hiding the real issues in the marriage which is worse going astray. I do have a few questions:
1. Do you watch porn?
2. Was the P.E. progressive or spontaneous from 2-3 years ago?
3. 2-3 years ago what was going on in your life, and how was your relationship (honestly)? Were at work at the time, out with the guys, chillin' with your wife? What?

Answer these first.

[reallyneedhelp Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close reallyneedhelp]

thanks for your reply
I do watch porn although I have been trying not to as think this might make things worse. I have never been an amazing lover but the less than a minute thing started 2-3 years ago, not everytime but a good 75%+ now its always
I was working in quite a good job and got sacked for doing some stupid things that I regret and I have had issues since then really
The doctor has said its anxiety related which is why I was put on tablets.
As for the wife this have been getting progressivly worse since all that happened, less money, 3 kids to look after, not much time for each other, but she has told me as much that if I never had this issue she wouldnt of gone elsewhere. unfortunately now i have zero confidence with her or any other women or even myself.

[pephysics Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pephysics]

Extending thenewdude's questions, did you have PE before it became an issue for you three years ago? You say "never been an amazing lover," but clearly make the point that something changed 2-3 years ago.

Judging from your follow-up post and your doctor's response, things haven't gone your way starting three years ago. Depression and anxiety seem the most plausible to me. It's seriously a spiral that I think many men get trapped in -- something bad happens, then the consequences of anxiety affect other aspects of life (e.g. causing PE), which than causes more depression and anxiety. It's definitely a self-reinforcing problem.

My advice, which may not be appreciated on this forum, is focus on getting the rest of your life in order while working on PE (e.g. following advice on this site.) Don't make PE your only or prime focus. It is all connected, and I think if PE is you're only focus, you're more likely not to be successful in treatment, which causes the other areas of your life to remain depressed.

Either way, you're here which implies at least some optimism. Stay at it!

[reallyneedhelp Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close reallyneedhelp]

Thanks for your reply, I used to be able to last 5-10 minutes or longer and used to have sex regularly but in the last 2 years or so things have got bad and after talking, and arguing about it it was easier to kind of bury my head in the sand and hope it would go away.
It's good advice you gave but I feel as though if I could get this problem sorted out the rest of my life would fall into place, even if it didn't I would be able to please my wife but now there's so much pressure to perform it is a visious cycle that is taking over my life.
Was going to go and see doctor again and see if I could try some more tablets to address the anxiety what do you guys think?

[pephysics Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pephysics]

Yea, I know the feeling of "if I fix this, everything else will be fixed." Sometimes it's true; sometimes it's not. I was only suggesting you spread out your efforts. In my experience, if something good catches in any aspect of life, it spills over. There may be lower hanging fruits, so to speak.

And yes, give them a try. I assumed you were still on the antidepressants. Ignoring PE, depression and anxiety have real physiological effects. I'm very much against the perpetual usage of SSRI's, but as a temporary measure, they can help you pull yourself out of a funk.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Get the rest of your life in order before you worry about premature ejaculation.

[reallyneedhelp Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close reallyneedhelp]

Thankyou for all the comments, I am definately going to see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully get some medication that will help with the anxiety. hopefully thats a start.
as for the kegals and things, should I keep going with them in the hope that I may see some improvements ?

[imac Retired Moderator Member of the Month Nov 12PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close imac]

If it's stress it could be a tension issue, if that's the case then I recommend a reverse kegel only routine for the first month or so combined with pelvic stretches.

[Nachos87 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nachos87]

You can satisfy her immensly without using your dick.
Hint: fingers, tongue...

But ask yourself if you want to get back to her, first.

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

I didn't thing it really was the sex (however, being a good lover takes knowing what pleases your woman). Things were falling apart long before this and was tossed on the back-burner as if it would go away or a simple apology makes it better. Fact of life is that you cannot make up the past but deal with it and move on. Even though she said that and that may have been the final terminator for the relationship, it really was a combination of the whole which ended up being too much for her to handle.

[sixtynine Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sixtynine]

wow, your wife sounds like a fucking whore (sorry if you can't speak like this on this forum) how can you be so stupid that you want to get back together with her? if i hade a wife and her vagina was destroyed by a disease, i wouldnt leave her. how can people be so traitorous nowadays? what the fuck happened to the fucking values people had in relationships.. if somethings broke, you fucking fix it, what the fuck

have you tried edging?

[TheSperminator Member of the Month Oct 12 Find all posts View Profile Close TheSperminator]

Also live as healthy as possible. Start working out, eat healthy, do your job with passion, have friends/be social, .. If all that falls in place, I bet you your problem will be atleast gotten better.

[TheSperminator Member of the Month Oct 12 Find all posts View Profile Close TheSperminator]

wow, your wife sounds like a fucking whore (sorry if you can't speak like this on this forum) how can you be so stupid that you want to get back together with her? if i hade a wife and her vagina was destroyed by a disease, i wouldnt leave her. how can people be so traitorous nowadays? what the fuck happened to the fucking values people had in relationships.. if somethings broke, you fucking fix it, what the fuck

have you tried edging?

It's all about performing nowadays apparently ..

[zunamary Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close zunamary]

wow, your wife sounds like a fucking whore (sorry if you can't speak like this on this forum) how can you be so stupid that you want to get back together with her? if i hade a wife and her vagina was destroyed by a disease, i wouldnt leave her. how can people be so traitorous nowadays? what the fuck happened to the fucking values people had in relationships.. if somethings broke, you fucking fix it, what the fuck

have you tried edging?

It's called modernism, and capitalism. I would recommend you also to really check out and analyze if you want to go back with her again. If she did it one time, maybe she can do it again. Everyone should have a 2 chance, but she's not even looking you. Good luck with your progress though.