weird story of how i met a girl..and am now in love with. and some questions

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

so like 6 years ago i was bored and theres just this random website called buddypic.com which is basically a social network site with forums people just talk for fun, and you post your pictures and a profile. not meant for online dating or anything like that. but almost 2 years ago this girl messaged me saying something and we started talking. now here we are today, still talking, know everything about each other and i can honestly say we are deep in love. now this gets real weird...I am in CA, shes in PA, and we haven't ever actually met in person. I know, I know. You don't have to say it. But regardless, i truly love this girl. Over the past near 2 years we have talked on and off, because of me and my own issues I would stop talking to her for periods of time and she has felt strongly towards me since the summer we met, so that hurt her that I could do that back then. Then last summer things got real bad and I kinda flipped out on her over something, and we didn't talk like all summer until I came back and she was there waiting for me.

She has had 1 real boyfriend who she dated for like 4 years, who cheated on her and dumped her a couple months before I met her. So obviously she was pretty messed up from all that, and still has huge trust issues because she was in love with him and I guess they even talked about getting married. But now I get to deal with this mess and the trust issues. But I love her so I am happy to do so. She is really weird too, like all her grandparents died when she was young and she never cried she just internalized it all. But like she still refuses to add me on facebook cause she says it doesn't matter and means nothing, whatever. She finally unblocked her number (she used to have me in her phone with *67 so she could and would always call me, but i couldn't call her?) but I got her to trust me with that. Anyway she has made a lot of progress, and no she isn't hiding anything like a boyfriend lol. Trust me I know, it's obvious, etc. we talk all day every day texting or on the phone. she is absolutely gorgeous too by the way, I am very surprised I managed to pull her. We are both seniors in college by the way.

But things only started to get very serious between us maybe in January. When i say serious, i mean we admitted our love for each other and things just got really nice and special I guess? So recently I have been trying to get her to come visit me, or I'd come visit her. My birthday was Thursday and I wanted her to come out this weekend, but she wouldn't. She still doesn't fully trust me, both because of her last relationship and trust issues in general, and partly cause of me and our past like I said how I would go a while without speaking to her..but that was before we were serious. She is scared of change too, she likes things how they are and if we meet up then things will move forward with us and she doesn't like that because she hates change. Anyway, so she didn't come out now. I just asked her if she'd wanna come out on the weekend of the 16th, when I am going skydiving, and she said maybe she has to see what projects she has due. I am 95% sure she just said that so she didn't have to say no, I don't think she will be coming. So I also brought up coming out to see me for my graduation, she is already in summer (she is staying in school 1 more semester) and we will all just be partying before and after graduation, so it'd be perfect. But she really doesn't want to, said it'd be awkward there with my parents at graduation. idk.

It really frustrates me though, it's like she isnt interested to meet up but we really are in love hardcore, I know she does really love me and doesn't just say it so it isn't like that. Like I could honestly see marrying this girl, and I know that may sound crazy but I do know her so well after 2 years of talking so much, and I know all about who she is.

Anyway, my questions are really basically just like...what can or should I do about meeting up with her? She said she is free all summer, but I'll be working for a year until I go to law school. And maybe she just will keep saying she isn't ready. Like I just dunno what to do because it's her trust issues that are holding this all back and I have tried so damn hard to help her through it all, and convince her I'm not her ex, I wouldn't ever do that, etc. But it doesn't work and I just dunno what to do.


update below, please read...unbelievable...

[irheretogrow Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close irheretogrow]

I don't really know man, I tried a relationship over net and it failed, just try to explain her that not everybody is as her ex and she shouldn't judge you or anyone else like that... and tell her if she truly loves you then you two should meet...

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

you have known her for two years online and you talk regularly.. she should trust you by now, at least enough to meet up with you face to face.. I do understand being hesitant about going to the male because as a female its not a totally safe thing to do, esp when distance is involved..Might be better off trying to go to where she is and on her terms..so she still has her safety net. She could also be insecure and worried about rejection, or even fearful that in real life she won't be attracted to you (people can be different in real life then online)

To me It does sound like she is giving you too many excuses...if she really felt physical attraction and love for you i would imagine after two years she would be trying to meet you
She admitted she has love for you ..love comes in all different forms .. it could be she feels a bond with you but not in the i want a relationship in the real world sense.. It could be you are more into her then she is into you but she doesn't know how to tell you and she likes the attention you give her...so there is pay of for her keeping you around even if she has no intention of meeting you in real life.

it also could be that she doesn't think that its possible to have something online become real.. people do find love that way but many also find disasters

[den15 Member Find all posts View Profile Close den15]

The good news is that you guys have lasted this long, from previous experiences, a long distance relationship almost never works. This would seem like it's a very difficult relationship, so please read the precaution below before taking any advice from any one.

Precaution: I know that saying anything about other people's relationship is not the greatest idea as any unhappiness will be blamed on the ones who've told you the option. (Best if they are not your friends, because they will never know where your relationship is or what is going on between the both of you)

After you have read the precaution, take the answers as you will, if you don't, I won't take any offense to your decision.

It would seem that she is very insecure. Most girls are insecure especially after a cheating exbf who cheated on them. I could tell because she complained about the height difference. Most girls don't really complain about height differences.

As far as being with her, it would seem that you don't really know what page she is on and whether you guys are on the same page. The only real way to find out if she is on the same page is to either:
a) Go and find a job near where she's going to school before going to law school because you need to find out what if she likes you as much as you like her
b) Continue your plan and if she likes you enough, she will chase you. Rarely do woman chase men. Unless you have some sort of magic, please do share
c) Play the relationship game. Being there all the time for her, she will start to use that to her advantage, and maybe if you are lucky, you might become a good friend of hers. Being that you both are not dating, (unless you are, then don't) see if you can get her to be jealous by not being so available to her all the time. If she gets jealous, then she likes you if she doesn't then she doesn't like you.

Whatever you do, just be confident. Any way you look at it, things are going to be tough, especially since you don't know her exact feelings. Anyways, good luck!

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

so tonight she asked me this: "I want your honest opinion on this is it true that if I have a guy friend.. He's my friend because he thinks I'm attractive and if given the opportunity would have sex with me?"

i answered her and turns out she manipulated my answer, turned it back on me because i said yeah if the guy is single he probably would. she she truly assumes i would have sex with a friend because i answered that question specifically about her. and for the record, i never would have sex with any friends who are girls..especially when my heart belongs to this girl

and she i guess asked 2 guys she knows the same question and they gave the same answer as i did, and 1 of them is a ugy who cheated on his gf with her friend. so she thinks i would too. we argued for 3 hours over it i was like defending myself from this attack by her, a situation she created completely in her head like wtf?

idk what do to now cause i think its over...she made this whole situation up out of nothing, and she will realize her mistake probably. but im so hurt now that idk what to do. i cant believe she thinks so little of me to think id just have sex w/ a friend if offered...


edit: kind of funny the day i write this post is the day it seems everything just went to hell...im crushed

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

I am not against meeting online. People meet in all kind of ways and the web is another social arena. I don't like how she manipulated the question. I understand people do this kind of stuff all the time, but that would no go over well with me. Have you done cam chats?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

nope. ive tried she wont

[Virtigo90 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Virtigo90]

First of all don't give up...
Second have you ever given thought to changing the way your going about handling this girl? The way it seems you've been going about straight ahead, for instance they way you yourself stated to her if you could get together with her at some place so you two could meet face to face, even if you put in years of time talking and conversing with her don't make a straight forward move like that. Think out what your going to do to gain this girls trust; and I mean her complete and total trust. Even if you know everything about each other (Which I doubt the both of you do) she still has issues trusting you because of what happen to her in the past. Even if you're telling the truth doesnt mean she believes you.

You telling her that your nothing like her previous lover or boyfriend, that type of blunt confession means virtually nothing at all I would assume based only off the data you've presented of course, as for confessing your loves to one another that I believe it can be pretty easy over a telephone or another electronic device but to do it face to face (Which I know you want to do) and mean it with all your heart is something to truely be recognized. Her manipulative questions you answer "Yes" when presented with the question

"I want your honest opinion on this is it true that if I have a guy friend.. He's my friend because he thinks I'm attractive and if given the opportunity would have sex with me?"

She wanted the answer of "NO" which I can't believe you said "YES" too! She was straight foward asking you a question based on what SHE WANTED IN A GUY! even if that was your true answer to her, I believe you should have fibbed in that situation if you truely loved her that's my honest opinion on that subject. If you have to tell a simple white miniscule fib when you truely love someone to get them to either trust you so you can live happily ever after THEN FOR GODS SAKE DO IT!!! my friend I'm not saying lie all time but that simple question that fact that she asked you that means she put forth the willingness to give you all her trust completely if you answered to her liking you would have her trust, what that tells me about her is that she's filtering out all the guys she believes only love her because of her physical structure, which could lead her to also think that you may take advantage of her basically just want intercouse and alot of it. What this girl want's is someone to understand her someone who can see into her and literally read her like a book right of the bat towards her. She wants to be stimulated in a conversation completely understood and enthralled by what you have to say and by the way you say it. As for her trust well remember TRUST IS BUILT SLOWLY in this girls case it will be built even slower, years, years and years... but I do have to say one thing I know this post may seem kinda mean or to brutal but I believe you really truely love this girl with all you're heart but you just don't quite understand her I would love if you two did end up together and do know I am hoping for the best. I don't know if you've read this far but I hope you do and hope this helps. I just want to touch up on a few other things though why was she asking other guys that question? I mean if they got it wrong they probably gotten the same response from her but just wondering if she's possibly looking into others? not just you? either way I'm only trying to help there are some other details I've acquired as well but I'll just leave this post as it is for now I guess once again hope this helps but you might find it rude or improper or some other disgrace may befall my status here who know's right? any way bye!!! and have fun!!

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

thanks for the message and i completely agree with you on it all. and i did answer the question wrong i was being stupid i guess.

well she asked other guys just simply to see other guys' opinions.

but anyway today she basically apologized for last night and said she believes all i have to say and everything, so we've made up.

[rimlas Member Find all posts View Profile Close rimlas]

First, you said she was gorgeous, so I'm assuming you've exchanged photos. But, have you had a conversation via webcam?

Second, I think you should look into the facebook issue a bit more. Not adding you as a friend doesn't make any sense, then again, neither does that retarded argument she started.

Finally, It sounds like she's misleading you. Has she objected to any visits from you?

Edit: ooops, didn't read the part about refusing to webcam. Now, I'm willing to bet she sent you pictures of her hot friend. And she can't accept your facebook request because it's not her account.

Just tell her you don't want to speak to her anymore unless you speak face to face, either in person or online.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

well no i used to speak to her through facebook messaging all the time, and her facebook profile was public so its def her im not worried about any fakeness at all, she just honestly is a really weird person

[rimlas Member Find all posts View Profile Close rimlas]

I would push for atleast a webcam, have you offered to visit her?

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

I am all understanding of weird. Everyone in my life has something weird about them. Please push for webcam. If she refuses for whatever reason, you need to consider she is not being honest with you. It has been 2 years of your life. You are taking this relationship very seriously. If she will not webcam then the likelihood of this relationship going to real life is slim. You would have to decide if you want to continue in the relationship as it is.

[Virtigo90 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Virtigo90]

Listen this girl is obviously looking for the perfect guy, the "One", her "Soul Mate", the proof is right their in front of you why else would she still be skeptical to visiting YOU! and being seen on a webcam by YOU! Let me say this again, WHY ELSE WOULD SHE ASK SUCH QUESTIONS? Even if she already knew what you look like, where you lived, talked with you over the phone for years, and supposedly knew everything about you, even when she knows all these details about you she DOES NOT KNOW IF IT'S FACT OR FICTION!. This girls not afraid of change she's afraid of taking a risk without 100% certainty that you are the one for her, the proof of that is in the fact that she does not want to visit or for you to visit her, once again thats taking a risk not making a change, that's why she doesnt want to talk on a webcam, that once again is taking a risk (for this girl anyway), that's why this girl asks such questions is to pick your brain really on what you think it's on what she likes to filter out possible people she can truely trust if you want my honest opinion I would say responding correctly to questions such as those and other manipulative things she may or may not ask of you to perform, in the way she likes it is your best shot. My other little info is don't push for a web cam, don't make straight forward moves like those, it's clear that she doesnt want that, this is once again just my advice to you let her make the move on you keep her interested but let her make the move. However this is just my opinion/thoughts on the matter at had I only offer you my solution based on the evidence stated, if you choose mine or another persons advice or whatever you do it's of you own choice, that said have fun! best of luck to you my friend!

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

so tonight she asked me this: "I want your honest opinion on this is it true that if I have a guy friend.. He's my friend because he thinks I'm attractive and if given the opportunity would have sex with me?"

i answered her and turns out she manipulated my answer, turned it back on me because i said yeah if the guy is single he probably would. she she truly assumes i would have sex with a friend because i answered that question specifically about her. and for the record, i never would have sex with any friends who are girls..especially when my heart belongs to this girl

I've learned the best answer for these types of general questions is, "it depends." It's an honest, true answer, and usually doesn't get you into any trouble. It also gives you more time to think about a more in-depth answer if she asks the follow-up question, "on what?" Otherwise, she might just give up with the initial answer, in which case she didn't really need to know that bad anyways.

But, yeah, I agree with everyone else that she seems to be hiding something. Sounds like you're really into her, but you need to try and make some progress in the relationship for all the emotional investment you're doing. In order to do that, she needs to give a little. Not meaning sex necessarily... but needs to express some kind of trust or willingness to move forward.